“Yet, consider the cost. First to self, next to others.

“On an individual level, repeatedly talking about trauma re-engages the same neural pathways that were initially activated by the trauma. Unfortunately, revisiting these memories kicks the amygdala in “heightened threat” mode, which perpetuates anxiety instead of helping us resolve it.”

“This traumatic retelling also reconsolidates memory, amplifying the emotional intensity of the original experience, and increasing risk of long-term issues like depression. Worse, trauma dumping is like a scratch on the record of the brain. The default mode network gets stuck in a pattern of rumination, which reinforces that victim mindset, which produces a permanent feeling of powerlessness that is actually a self-fulfilling prophecy.”

This becomes the pitfall.

“The external locus-of-control created by that victim mindset destroys our ability to heal. This decreases resilience, hampers adaptive flexibility, and almost completely blocks our ability to get into flow.

“Talk of trauma is not just self-destructive, it’s also selfish. The discussion imposes a tax on everyone present. For all the obvious reasons, trauma-related discussions require significant emotional and mental resources.”

This is true for everyone involved. 

By now, all of my loved ones are aware of the traumatic childhood of mine. By now, it feels like, even if I mention it again (when the swing pulls in the other direction—the times of my lows), the joint reaction of the loved ones and my own self is in lines of ‘No more!’